Mary R.

About Mary R.

Our family has been hit by this disease, 4 times in the past 15 years. I have been a caregiver for all 4. These men have been my husband, my father in law, my cousin and a very dear friend. Out of the 4 only one survives.

In September 2006 , my father in law was on Hospice, we were awaiting the birth of our son. We knew the days for my father in law we’re growing less, my days of pregnancy were too. The night I my water broke, my mother in law had called saying that Dad was asking for my husband. My husband left. I awoke and realized my water broke, I called my husband, no answer. I called my in laws and explained that I needed to get to the hospital.

I finally got ahold of my husband, we headed to the hospital. En route to the hospital he called his Dad, it was the last conversation they had. As I labored through out the day, my sister in law arrived, she called my husband in the hall. I knew. I knew that he was gone. A few hours later our son was born. We had our daughters arrive at the hospital to introduce them to their brother, and then we broke their hearts.

Somethings in life are cruel.

6 years passed. My husband John was experiencing back pain. This was a nuisance that my hubs didn’t like. He was 38. We had 3 kids and had just found out we were going to be grandparents.

We had plans, we had busy lives, we had a lot of mixed blessings.

It was January when he had an MRI , we got a call within hours that something looked wrong. In 2 days he had a CT scan and bone scan. We got a call from the Dr on a Sunday night. You have cancer , do you have any questions? Yes yes we do.

We hadn’t had a biopsy yet.

We set up a biopsy with a Dr out of state. Came home and 3 days later made an ER visit. He had taken a pain meds too soon and had begun bleeding from his biopsy.

5 days, transfusions and Valentine’s Day looming, we had a diagnosis.

Metastatic Prostate Cancer. He was 38! We knew that he was in trouble.

We spent the next 2 and a half years trying anything. We went to specialists in Chicago. We left our kids and by this time grandson with anyone available.

It was hard juggling John’s needs, my children’s needs and my grandson.
If cancer taught me anything, you’re never prepared for everything.

I watched as treatment after treatment began to fail. I watched my husband slowly fade before my eyes.
I knew in my heart that our time was limited.
I never dreamed I’d be a widow at 40.
He died at 40.

Our lives blew apart. I was now solely responsible for my kids, my house, our lives.
At the time our kids were 21, 15 and 7. Our grandson was 2.

This was not how I thought my life would be.

Around the time my husband was losing his battle, my cousin who was 84 had been diagnosed with PC. I became his caregiver. He was never married, had no children. I became his person.

I had no idea at the time that 2 years later and he would also be gone.

Currently the only survivor I know is my very dear friend. He was diagnosed in 2004. He received radiation and survived with flying colors! He is now living the good life in a local assisted living facility. I am his person. His wife died in 2006, months before my son was born.

This man became my children’s adopted grandfather. Through him I’ve had hope. Hope that when the next diagnosis comes that they will be a survivor .
I am very outspoken with men around me. I tell them, drag them, call and harass them and their spouses to get checked.

I am still terrified for my son, my daughter and my nephews.

Daily I remind myself that this isn’t the end. There was a plan for me after this place I’ve been. We journey on.

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