Melissa H.

About Melissa H.

You know I’m not normally the type to do this but I think others could benefit from my story. This is not about what I did for them but what they did for me. I was born in 1978 to two wonderful parents, Johnnie and Diane. To everyone’s surprise I was born with a cleft lip and palate and later on developed an autoimmune disease. Many new parents would have difficulty with this; not my parents. They embraced my difference as just a new normal. They were by my side for every surgery, hospitalization and doctor visit. Never once did I question their abundance of love for me. Fast forward 18 years, my amazing father was diagnosed with prostate cancer with bone metastasis(although he wasn’t eligible for chemo or radiation he continued to do well for a couple of years. Forward to 2016, my beautiful grandmother died after a long illness. I wasn’t there and do have regrets. Around four months after she passed my mother, age 60, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This was the point I just collapsed with grief. As a nurse, I knew what that diagnosis meant. Fear of the future suddenly set in. She was my dad’s caregiver. I was already caring for my then- husband who has MS. In one day I became the caregiver to 3 family members (this isn’t counting my daughter). After getting over the initial shock of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis I went into autopilot and just did what needed to be done. At the time it was the loneliest, saddest and draining experience I have ever experienced. There were days I couldn’t stop crying. Some days I threw a pity party. But most days I realized this was MY job and I owed them for everything they ever did for me. Sadly my mom only survived for 10 months after her diagnosis. She was able to be home at the end. She passed away in March 2017 (one year and a day after my grandmother). As you can imagine the loss of my mom took a toll on all of us but my dad fell apart. He was already struggling with cancer himself (and COPD) so the loss of his my mom caused a huge decline in his health. I continued to care for him at home. Exactly 6 months after my mother died my father followed suit. He just couldn’t be without his soulmate. While continuing to mourn them I settled into their home to live. Caregiving is hard but silence is deafening. No footsteps, no occasional cough or your name being called. NOTHING! But at least now I could still be close to them by living with their things in their house. Life had other plans. October 2018 Hurricane Michael barrelled through the panhandle of Florida. My childhood home and all the amazing memories of my parents are blown away in an instant. How do you move on from being a caregiver and suddenly there is no one to care for? How do you look at the remains of your home and not think for just a moment the world has it out for you? I’ve done the only thing I know to do. I’m dusting myself off and starting over. It’s what my parents would want and what they taught me. Now yes I’m still in the throes of grief over losing 3 family members and my home in 2 1/2 years time but I’m facing forward and I will recover. I did all of this because THEY showed me unconditional love and they deserved the moon. I will go to my grave without regret.

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