Pam M.
About Pam M.
My husband, Nelsen, and I married in 1999. Both of us had been married before. We were soul mates in the truest sense of the word. Our marriage was easy (both of our first were difficult). We loved spending time together doing big things and small. We loved to fish together and went on many amazing trips. He was initially diagnosed with PC in 2011, Gleason 6, low PSA, biopsy triggered by a very subtle bump detected on his DRE. Post RRP Gleason was upgraded to 7, 3+4, clean margins, all good. PSA was 1.1 in Sept of 2016. In December we met with a urologist and a radiation oncologist. Radiation oncologist said there was no reason he shouldn’t live another 15 years. He also suggested that he have an Axumin PET scan just to be sure. Unfortunately that showed Stage 4 with mets to multiple bones and lymph nodes. We met with a local oncologist and one at UCSF and came up with a treatment plan. Nelsen’s attitude was amazing and inspiring. He taught me to make the most of each day, the good, the bad and the truly ugly. He started with Lupron, 6 infusions taxotere and zytiga in 2017. In 2018 he had a bone biopsy that revealed that he had both adenocarcinoma and neuroendocrine PC. In 2018 he had 9 infusions of carboplatin and cabazitaxel. He tried Xtandi and Keytruda in 2019 and an additional 6 of carboplatin and cabazitaxel. I went to every appointment except one because I was sick and I called into that one. Every infusion. I retired mid 2019 so we could make memories… we went to Bucks Lake, Bass Lake, Bodega Bay, Klamath river twice, Michigan twice (where we were building our dream home), Trinity River 3 times, hosted Thanksgiving for the whole family, had our Annual Christmas Open house, visited our kids and grand kids. In February 2020 he had the 1st radium 223/xofigo treatment, had a horrible debilitating pain flair that knocked him flat for a week while I was out of town. Started talking about hospice. In March we made our last trip to UCSF to meet with a palliative care specialist. She was great! His blood-work never improved enough for another radium treatment. Three trips to the ER, one for critically low sodium, one for low BP even after 2 pints of fluids at the infusion center, and the the last because 1/2 his head went numb. All 3 trips while COVID was raging. The last one was awful, he didn’t want to go, and I had to beg him. He got awful care, and they sent him home without any explanation for the numbness. I was certain it was due to the one skull met he had. I followed up with our oncologist the next day and she pushed the radiologist to read the CT again, an lo and behold I was right. He got 5 days of radiation to that spot and the symptoms improved. He had 13 good days in a row where we shared wonderful meals, wine and great conversation. Those were so important to both of us. Then he did one infusion of low dose cabazitaxel to see if it would take care of the PC in his bone marrow. It knocked him flat. I was sure he wouldn’t want to continue with the next one a week later, but he did. He ended up with a horrible case of thrush and we started hospice. He died less than a month later on May 23,2020. It truly was an honor to be his caregiver. The caregiving was easy because it came from my heart. The letting go is impossible because he was my heart. My heart is so full of love because of him and truly shattered because he was my soul mate…