Susan C.

About Susan C.

It was June 22, 2016. We went to the movies. We were waiting for very bad news. We got very bad news. We were expecting the very bad news. He was 52 years old and diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer. He was in the best shape of his life. Boot camp classes 3 days a week. An avid cyclist, hundreds of miles a week. A golfer. A snow skiier. Cancer does not care. We clung together, regrouped and marched forward. I researched. And researched and researched and researched. We went to Memorial Sloan Kettering. We went to Duke. We would start with hormone shots and inductive chemo and go from there. Provenge. Xtandi. Xgeva. Radiation. More chemo. For two and a half years this was our regime. In between treatments we would travel. We would live life to the fullest and have no regrets. He retired. He began volunteer work and joined more committees at church. He spread love and positivity. Everyone who crossed his path was in denial. How could this vibrant human being be terminally ill? Our son got engaged. He had a goal- to make it to the wedding, July of 2019. In August 2018 we found out that chemo was not working. In September he began a clinical trial. We remained cautiously optimistic. In October I took him to the ER with severe abdominal pain. The cancer was in his liver. Innumerable metastasis. Too many to count. For 5 weeks I watched him die. I guess I helped him die. He died the way he lived. Positive, kind, worried about others. Never complaining. Visiting with friends and family. Saying good-bye. “This is it, he said. I have no regrets. I never knew that I could be loved the way you have loved me. Thank you”. On November 20, 2018, 10 days after our 28th anniversary, he died. He was my soulmate. “I will always be with you”, he said. “Two shall become one flesh”. Everyone says I am their hero. I am so brave. They are so proud of me. I don’t understand those words. He was my soulmate. I love him more than I love myself. I got up every day, put one foot in front of the other, stayed by his side and helped him live. Helped us live. Then I helped him die. He is no longer with me. But he is. This summer our son will get married. I know he will be there with us.

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