Bobby L.

About Bobby L.

On Valentines Day, 2017, my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate cancer, (sorry, but I will never capitalize the word cancer). As the “anniversary” of this diagnosis draws near, there is something that can’t be put into words…a memory that we are both trying so hard to smile through. My husband and I have an incredible Love story (see; I will capitalize the word Love)! We met when I was 24, and a single mother to a 3 year old little girl. I was dressed as a Jungle woman and he as a Musketeer. Those two don’t normally go together, but we fell madly in love! After 3 & 1/2 years, as some relationships do…we went our separate ways. It’s a very long story…very “notebook-ish.” Fourteen years later; after a lot of searching, and defying the odds…we found each other again, and have been married for 16 years now. We also have the most amazing 13 year old son! One of the most difficult parts in all of this? When our son asked “your not going to die or anything though, right?” Or when he asked if he is going to get this too? (our son missed 5 months of school after his grandfather passed away). After my husband’s first Chemo, he developed a Neutropenic fever. Rushing him to the hospital in the middle of the night, we got a flat tire on the freeway. After handling that, and switching to a less crowded emergengy room, and 4 hours IN the emergency room, they decided to keep him there. That was a low point for me! I had to get my son out of there. He was seeing too much! It was getting scary too fast, and I knew he was vulnerable, ( but so was my husband at that point)! I had never prayed so hard in my life!!! That is when I learned how much we need each other, and to allow myself to reach out when I feel afraid. I beat myself up for not being able to “fix” him! Did I waste 14 years…years that I could have had WITH him? I still research everything I possibly can, trying to just keep him here to grow old with me. Trying to make sure my son wont fall into the same fate. My husband was misdiagnosed a year prior. The doctor said his 54 PSA was fine, so it was a 500 at the time of diagnosis. Two days after his diagnosis, a 60 ft palm tree crashed through our deck…missing our bed by 10 feet. After we started Chemo, my job fired me because my husband’s cancer was a distraction. During Chemo, someone tried to break into our home, my husband’s car broke down, and our insurance company accidentally put all treatments “out of network.” We have no other choice than to remain positive! We dressed in Character, and brought a group with us to all of the Chemo appointments! We wanted to lighten the room, not just for ourselves, but for everyone else who was perhaps, there alone! So…I may cry in the shower (no one notices, you are already wet), but I try to be the rock that my family needs! My husband is currently 2 months into “remission.” Yes! They used that word! He had 18 rounds of Chemo, followed by 42 sessions of radiation. He remains on three medications at this time, possibly forever. He worked, driving to and from Santa Barbara every day, and taught Yoga and Spin on the side…even suffering through nausea and neuropathy while doing so. We are still suffering from a type of post traumatic stress, I suppose. Trying to find our way back. Trying to figure out the path of our lives now. I want to erase all of the pain my husband feels inside, but I know that all we can really do… is surrender it to God! I want for people out there…who are going through these same emotions, to know that they are not alone! Faith and Love can do so much!!!

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